Published on December 9, 2009
Slide 1: Anyone who yodels should have their vocal chords removed. SEASON NINE Slide 2: Dawg, that’s harsh. Slide 3: Dude is ugly…but he can sing. Slide 4: He’s a young Taylor Hicks in an Elvis costume. Eck! Slide 5: Scary drummer boy is an Adam Lambert look-a-like. Slide 6: Honey, when you sober up I’d love to see you try again. You have ‘star power’. Slide 7: You are so cute! Can I take you home to live with me. Slide 8: Paula tried that…you’ll get yourself sued. Slide 9: Can I take Carrie Underwood girl home? Just kidding Portia. Slide 10: Sing along everyone…la..la…la…la… Slide 11: It looks like ‘balloon boy’ crashed the auditions. Slide 12: Call Child Protective Services, and cut the lights. Slide 13: Come get me dad. Slide 14: New season starts January 2010 Starring Ryan, Simon, Kara, and Ellen. If you want to see how Paula lost her seat to Ellen stay tuned for second feature. ‘The Paula Abdul Story’ Slide 15: ‘PAULA ABDUL’ The Untold Story Slide 16: NOBODY kicks Paula Abdul to the curb. Slide 17: Paula Abdul has worked too long and too hard for this. Slide 18: You, my fans, are the first to see ‘Paula the Movie’. Slide 19: ‘PAULA ABDUL’ The Movie Slide 20: Hey fairy, are you sure I’m going to be a star? Slide 21: Yes, with practice and a good agent. Slide 22: Lil’ Paula, dial it down. THAT HURT. Slide 23: Fairy, you promised me an agent! Slide 24: Be patient. You’re no Brooke Shields. Slide 25: You’re a lousy fairy godmother. Slide 26: Lil’ Paula, your disposition needs to sweeten up. Slide 27: You need to shut up! Slide 28: You promised I’d be a movie star. Slide 29: Lil’ Paula you’re too short, and have a big nose. Slide 30: Barbra Streisand has a big nose. Slide 31: Lil’ Paula you’re no Barbra. Slide 32: Then who am I? Slide 33: You’re Paula, a marginally talented girl from the San Fernando Valley. Slide 34: What does marginally talented mean? Slide 35: It means we’re going to work your butt off and make you a STAR. Slide 36: Stu Brill Talent Agent Stuart, I know all your secrets. You will help Paula! Slide 37: Paula Abdul Career Path Lakers Cheerleader Singer Dancer Choreographer Jewelry Designer American Idol Judge ? Slide 38: Fairy, I’ll get my own agent. You’re useless. Slide 39: Listen, I’m one of the few ‘stage fairies’ in the world. Slide 40: I can manage my own career. Slide 41: That’s what Britney Spears said. Slide 42: Who’s Britney Spears? Slide 43: You’ll find out in about twenty years. Slide 44: Cheerleader & Choreographer Slide 45: Choreographer Slide 46: American Idol Judge Slide 47: Tyra Banks wears Paula’s jewelry. Tyra Banks Love it! Slide 48: My rehearsal. Come see me when I open. Slide 49: Lil’ Paula will be just fine. Slide 50: Good luck Ms. Degeneres! My girl just needed to move on. Slide 51: And someday you’ll replace Paula on American Idol. Thanks Uncle Barney.