Published on May 12, 2013
Interpersonal Communication Project: Interpersonal Communication Project Amanda Parsons May 10, 2013 Introduction: Introduction Interpersonal Communication is a need for daily life, relationships, and in the work field. As human services professionals, communication is the probable culprit of much of the issues we encounter and is also the way out of most of these same issues. My “this is expected of me” results were competent and submissive where my “this is me” results were more passive than active with strong people skills and the ability to be outgoing and reserved depending on the situation. I was typified by an assumption that others expect me to be passive where, in reality, I am more friendly and outgoing. Overarching Goal: Overarching Goal Enlarging the conversation is to know ourselves and make improvements as needed so that we can more effectively communicate with others. My overarching goal is to live with more congruency; to not put pleasing people above my personal expression of ideas . How’d I get this way?: How’d I get this way? All of the profiles classified me in the same categories as being passive, compliant, friendly, and pleasing; these are beneficial traits, but can be overwhelming. This was expected by my family; a tidy reputation was important at any age. I was socialized to believe that if you are quiet and compliant, then you will have no issues or trouble. I’ve had to take on the role of rescuer in my personal life and vacillate between that and the persecutor in private where I am sure of the person’s feelings and loyalty. Burley-Allen, 1995 How’d I get this way?: How’d I get this way? Duplication is prevalent in my life when I want someone to like me or think that I’m smart; that’s what I’ve always been given credit for and had to behave a certain way to get attention. There was an attitude of “I’m not ok-You’re ok” or “I’m ok”-You’re not ok” with few, if any instances where my parents and I were on similar planes. I listen through filters such as: Expectations Beliefs Assumptions Past Experience Burley-Allen, 1995 How’d I get this way?: How’d I get this way? William Shutz (1958) was cited by Ramaraju (2012) as dividing interpersonal needs into three categories; one of which was inclusion. Inclusion is a need to be accepted and have a feeling of belonging This is a need and barrier to my interpersonal communication. Barriers: Barriers An obvious barrier to my becoming more congruent is the fact that I have a long-held belief that I am expected to behave one way in front of others and another in the comfort of my own home. Other barriers include: What others have come to expect Family patterns and expectations Belief that there’s power in speaking Put my self down for listening more Barriers: Barriers Perception-Reception-Attention; I would like to add “Response” to this due to my perception of a person determining how much I will receive and how much attention I will give and, in turn, determines the level of response I will give. I am an “Intellectual Listener” to a fault, but at what expense?! Hearing what I want to hear serves a positive and negative purpose; protection and over-reaction. Burley-Allen, 1995 Possible Solutions: Possible Solutions Self-knowledge: “Reflection upon one’s behavior is a useful tool to increase effectiveness in handling interpersonal relationships.” (Burley-Allen, 1995, p.41) Self-acceptance and self-fulfilling prophecy; self-acceptance increases acceptance of others which results in our expectation that others will also like us (Stewart, 2012) Becoming aware of the “thud” I and not allowing my brain to become deflated and, consequently, flat (Petersen, 2007) Practice Empathic Listening, paraphrasing, and internal summarizing (Burley-Allen, 1995). Becoming a better listener and breaking those barriers is somewhat subjective and unable to be precisely tracked (Bodie, 2011). Possible Solutions: Possible Solutions Accept that “In presenting [myself] to others, [I] have to vary [my] presentation to the audience” (Stewart, 2012, p.216). It is okay to have some variance in how I address and act in front of others without sacrificing the expression of my ideas. The ultimate goal is self-verification. Being able to listen and discuss is an invaluable skill (Smart & Featheringham, 2006). Plan of Action: Plan of Action Prayer and Study Create a positive and supportive peer group Create opportunities for success Operate within the framework described by Stewart (2012) that suggests that we acknowledge and accept that I will make mistakes. Rehearse positive attributes Create new pathways to create new self-beliefs Plan of Action: Plan of Action Practice internal summarization Practice empathic listening Practice self-disclosure in individual settings and move to share in discussions Reflect on and rehearse positive interactions from discussions References: References Bodie, G. (2011). The understudied nature of listening in interpersonal communication: introduction to a special issue. The International Journal of Listening, 25. Burley-Allen, M. (1995). Listening: The Forgotten Skill. New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons. Petersen, J. (2007). Why Don’t We Listen Better? . Portland, Oregon: Petersen Publications. Ramaraju, S. (2012). Psychological perspectives on interpersonal communication. Researchers World-Journal of Arts, Science, and Commerce, 3(4 ). Smart, K. and Featheringham, R. (2006). Developing effective interpersonal communication and discussion skills. Business Communication Quarterly, 69 (3). Stewart, J. (2012). Building Bridges Not Walls. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.