Published on November 2, 2007
Stylish Sentences: Stylish Sentences Chapter 15 – Scott, Foresman Handbook Agent/Action Sentences: Agent/Action Sentences Clear subjects performing strong actions Make people, rather than abstract ideas, the agents of your sentences Knowledge about women’s health is inadequate worldwide because the isolated position of women in some non-Western cultures makes it difficult for researchers to accumulate data about them. Medical researchers know too little about women’s health because in some non-Western cultures most women lead isolated lives, so gathering information about them is difficult. An unexpected donation of $1 million made by a prominent local banker who had once played Hamlet gave the actors reason to celebrate. A prominent local banker who had once played Hamlet made a $1 million contribution, giving actors reason to celebrate. Action/Agent Sentences II: Action/Agent Sentences II Strong trepidation was felt by Alexa about her first college research paper. Alexa felt strong trepidation about her first research paper. The experience of playing Horatio in a college production of Hamlet had been influential in convincing President Brown of the value of performing arts. President Brown played Horatio in a college production of Hamlet, and the experience convinced him of the value of performing arts. Verbs with Oomph: Verbs with Oomph Avoid dull verbs and tired verb phrases Many older students are in a state of confusion when they are confronted with the first texts, syllabi, and assignments they have seen in a decade or more. Many older students are bewildered when they encounter texts, syllabi, and assignments for the first time in ten years. Negative attitudes about the opportunities for older students are in the process of being rethought by college administrations that have managed to take this issue seriously. College administrators who have seriously considered this issue are reevaluating opportunities for older students. Verbs with Oomph II : Verbs with Oomph II Malls and markets always manage to irritate me when they start to display Christmas paraphernalia immediately after Halloween. Malls and market irritate me when they display Christmas paraphernalia immediately after Halloween. Some groups who are in opposition to the death penalty believe that there is doubt about its morality. Some groups who oppose the death penalty doubt its morality. Faulty Predication : Faulty Predication Make sure the subject can do what the verb demands Ellen’s pleasure in gardening yearned for a bigger yard. Ellen’s pleasure in gardening made her yearn for a bigger yard. Fewer than half a million tourists a year inhabit the 800,000 acres of Big Bend National Park. Fewer than half a million tourists a year visit the 800,000 acres of Big Bend National Park. Faulty Predication II: Faulty Predication II Hundreds of miles from any city or large municipal airport, Big Bend endeavors an experience of pristine isolation unlike that of busier parks, such as Zion or Yellowstone. Hundreds of miles from any city or large municipal airport, Big Bend provides an experience of pristine isolation unlike that of busier parks, such as Zion or Yellowstone. The narrative structure of Peggy Lee’s song begins as a child and continues through her adult life. The narrative structure of Peggy Lee’s song follows a woman’s life from childhood to adulthood. Cut “to be” verbs: Cut “to be” verbs There was an inclination to protest among local restaurateurs when the city decided to increase the number of health inspectors. Local restaurateurs wanted to protest when the city… It had been the determination of city officials, however, that many restaurants were not in a state of compliance with local health ordinances. City officials determined, however, that many restaurants ignored local health ordinances. Cut “to be” Verbs II: Cut “to be” Verbs II The repeated failure of several restaurants to pass routine inspections has been the focus of a recent series of newspaper editorials. A recent series of newspaper editorials has focused on the repeated failure of several restaurants to pass routing inspections. It was the hope of both politicians and restaurateurs that there would be a quick solution to this embarrassing problem. Both politicians and restaurateurs hoped to solve this embarrassing problem quickly. Avoid passive voice : Avoid passive voice Note that this is functionally the same as writing action/agent sentences AND avoiding “to be” verbs. The writing of research papers is traditionally dreaded by students everywhere. Students everywhere traditionally dread writing research papers. When conventional topics are chosen by researchers, apathy is likely to be experienced by them and their readers alike. When researchers choose conventional topics, they often bore themselves and their readers. Achieving Clarity – Abstract Words : Achieving Clarity – Abstract Words Avoid abstract words It is important to recognize that just as we can learn from knowledge about the efficacy of alternate bargaining structures, we can also benefit from knowledge of alternative approaches to welfare and employment prejudices. We should recognize that just as learning more about how groups bargain in other countries is valuable, learning more about how they handle welfare and unemployment also benefits us. Achieving Clarity – abstract words II: Achieving Clarity – abstract words II Classify each word as either abstract or concrete. Achieving Clarity – State Your Ideas Positively: Achieving Clarity – State Your Ideas Positively Do we have the right not to be victims of violent crime? It is not unlikely that I will attend the conference. It would not be awful if you never turned a paper in late. The remark wasn’t exactly the kind I would not ever repeat to my mother. Would it ever not be inappropriate not to say “hello” to a former spouse? Condense Sprawling Phrases: Condense Sprawling Phrases Regardless of the fact that Michael graduated from the police academy just last year, he had the swagger of a seasoned officer. At this point in time, the committee hasn’t convened. Condense Sprawling Phrases II: Condense Sprawling Phrases II On the occasion of the newspaper’s seventy-fifth anniversary, the governor visited the editorial offices. Regardless of the fact that I have revised my speech 3 times, I still don’t like my conclusion. In the modern American society in which we live today, many people still attend church regularly. By virtue of the fact that flood insurance rates are so high, many people go uninsured, risking their property. Until such time as the city council changes the ordinance, “For Sale” signs aren’t legal in residential neighborhoods. Cut nominalizations: Cut nominalizations It is a matter of disputation among sociologists whether the gentrification of urban neighborhoods is a beneficial process to inner-city residents. Given the poor salability of some products, manufacturers often have to make offerings of rebates. The utilization of appropriate documentation will achieve a maximization of accountability, assuring prioritization and ultimate finalization of our budgetary requisitions. Eliminate Surplus Intensifiers : Eliminate Surplus Intensifiers The Grand Canyon is a quite unique geological treasure in northwestern Arizona, basically formed by the relentless power of the Colorado River cutting a gorge for many, many eons through solid rock. Standing at the edge of the canyon is a totally awesome experience. The canyon walls drop far into the depths, thousands of feet, a seriously deep drop, exposing very different layers of limestone, sandstone, and volcanic rock. These really magnificent canyons recede into the distance like ancient castles, an absolutely remarkable panorama of color and show.